A response to fear

I’ve been reflecting a lot recently on fear. The gripping hold that danger, threats and pain cause that can leave people hopeless and faithless.

It may come with living in one of the most dangerous cities in the second most dangerous country in the world (Based on the U.N. statistics of number of homicides per capita. Second this year to El Salvador). For a long time living here in La Ceiba I was a prisoner to this fear. I was afraid to go outside alone, I wouldn’t look people directly in the eye, and any time a comment was made to me I would put my head down and walk faster. I let myself be consumed by this fear that I was in a dangerous place. The longer I’ve lived here and the more I’ve gotten to know the people in this city I’ve realized how foolish this is. Now, I want to clarify that there is a difference between fearing and being safe. I still don’t walk too far by myself and I certainly avoid certain types of people, but I don’t allow my fear to stop me from greeting the sweet old ladies that pass me or from looking people in the eye when I pass them to say “buenas”. The fear that is generated in this country is due to murder. I read about it everyday in the newspaper. Drug lords, gangs and people seeking revenge. It’s all known. There is a reason for the majority of the killings. (I’m not saying a justified reason at all, but there is a clear reason that you can point to and say ‘that’s why’) A homeless man is hungry and steals your wallet; a kid snuck out late at night and accidentally ran into a drug deal; another man stole your ‘woman’. As long as I am using common sense and following safety guidelines, the worst that might happen is someone takes my purse and make off with the $5 I have on me at the time.
To be honest, the fear that has been generated in me since being here is not for myself, but for my loved ones back home. I have nothing to fear… I know where the danger, threats and pain are coming from and I can avoid them. I’ve only been in this city 5 months but there have been mass killings in and elementary school, bombs exploding at a marathon, and threats of nuclear war. Every September 11 we hold our breath hoping that there will not be a repeat. The fear generated there is unknown, and makes having faith so much more difficult. The ‘why’ is not answered.

I made a list a few months back of the different ‘dangers’ that are in both countries, and this is what I came up with:

Honduras:                                                                  U.S.
            Dealing drugs- not consuming                       Drugs (consuming)

Murder/deceit                                                 Deceit

Poverty                                                           Spiritual poverty

Discrimination against women                       Discrimination

                                                                                   Over stimulation:(tuned out by ‘tuning in’)

At least I can see the dangers in Honduras. They are in the open. There are gangs and drug lords not because people HERE are consuming the drugs but because people in the States are. There is an open distrust in the government here. It’s known that they are corrupt. There’s poverty everywhere, but there is also generosity everywhere. I have yet to step into one of the homes (mud shacks) of our neighbors here without them offering the last of what’s in the refrigerator… without them spending the little money they have to go buy ME a soda. There is faith in this country that even if they don’t have everything they need, there will be someone to help them. I can’t say that’s a hope I necessarily have in the States. And through it all they have faith the God will be there. They trust that He is protecting them, that He is stronger than the fear, that His perfect love casts out the fear. The dangers help them to love more, and help them to cast out the fear that there is.
If I don’t know about the dangers in the U.S., who am I turning to? And once I do see danger, what is my first response? To find someone to blame. Terrorists, the government, mental facilities being shut down.
I know my fear MUST cease. I know my Faith MUST increase, but I also knows my eyes must be opened to the dangers in my own country.

It’s saying something when I feel safer in Honduras than I do in the U.S.

I’m praying today for all those affected by the Boston bombs. I’m praying for all those affected by the shootings. I’m praying that our eyes might be opened and we might be allow Love to cast out our fear. That that fear might not be turned into hate and therefore generate more fear, but we might allow Love to conquer all.