My "job"

This is a difficult job. It is difficult mostly because it is not a job. It’s a lifestyle. People leave a job when it’s time to go home at the end of the night. I go into my room half sleeping, waiting for someone to knock on my door, or call my phone, or to hear a ruckus out on the street that causes me to worry if everything is all right.

I used to think of a job in terms of the vocation God had for me. My job was going to be where I spread His light to the world. Somewhere that He had called me to and therefore would give me the graces to succeed and be His living hands. I thought of this job in terms of what I would be doing. I believe that I would be going home at the end of the night able to let loose and be me instead of Him. I’ve been in positions of ministry where I can lead a bible study for an hour, maybe go get a bite to eat with the participants and then return home to forget about everything and bury my mind in useless social networking or the latest episode on Hulu. I had no intentional community waiting for me at home so I had no need of acting the part of a Christian while I was there. I could be what I wanted to be.
I see now how much more I am called to. I don’t get to turn my Christianity on and off to not feel guilty watching the latest trash on T.V. I don’t get to be Christ’s hand when leading a bible study, but then be someone completely different when I go home at night. I can’t just love the people it’s easy for me to love and minister to the people I want to minister to. I’m called to love everyone and respect everyone. No judgments.

This job is not a job. It’s a lifestyle. It’s being a Christian in every moment of every day. No exceptions.
It means loving these girls not only when they say cute things or help me around the house. It’s loving them in their sarcastic times when they try my patience to the point of screaming. It’s loving them when they burn the bread I was planning on using for lunch. It’s caring for them when the shut down and decide they don’t want to speak to me for a week. It’s showing them Christ even when I’m up to the ceiling in bills, lost receipts for the monthly charges and bankcards that aren’t working. This job is difficult because I have finally realized that I am being called to so much more than just ministering to teens a couple of hours a week. I’m being called (and always have been called) to be Christ in every second, and that’s HARD. I fail daily. I do get upset when they burn the bread. And they have learned to push my buttons to the point of me retiring to my room for at least ten minutes. I do lock myself in my room the last few days of the month praying that they won’t knock on my door for fear of being impatient with them when they don’t deserve it (I finally realize why parents are the way they are when paying bills.). I fail daily, but He gives me the grace to keep going. He softens all of our hearts into a relationship with Him and then with one another that helps us to realize we are human. We fail, but we get back up and keep loving. 24/7.
This job? Being a Christian. It’s hard. It hurts sometimes. It never stops. I used to think it would, but being here has taught me that God, the world and myself need something much more than that.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” Mother Teresa.