I’ve been reflecting a lot recently on fear. The gripping
hold that danger, threats and pain cause that can leave people hopeless and
faithless.
It may come with living in one of the most dangerous cities
in the second most dangerous country in the world (Based on the U.N. statistics
of number of homicides per capita. Second this year to El Salvador). For a long
time living here in La Ceiba I was a prisoner to this fear. I was afraid to go
outside alone, I wouldn’t look people directly in the eye, and any time a
comment was made to me I would put my head down and walk faster. I let myself
be consumed by this fear that I was in a dangerous place. The longer I’ve lived
here and the more I’ve gotten to know the people in this city I’ve realized how
foolish this is. Now, I want to clarify that there is a difference between
fearing and being safe. I still don’t walk too far by myself and I certainly
avoid certain types of people, but I don’t allow my fear to stop me from
greeting the sweet old ladies that pass me or from looking people in the eye
when I pass them to say “buenas”. The fear that is generated in this country is
due to murder. I read about it everyday in the newspaper. Drug lords, gangs and
people seeking revenge. It’s all known. There is a reason for the
majority of the killings. (I’m not saying a justified reason at all, but there
is a clear reason that you can point to and say ‘that’s why’) A homeless man is
hungry and steals your wallet; a kid snuck out late at night and accidentally
ran into a drug deal; another man stole your ‘woman’. As long as I am using
common sense and following safety guidelines, the worst that might happen is
someone takes my purse and make off with the $5 I have on me at the time.
To be honest, the fear that has been generated in me since being here is not
for myself, but for my loved ones back home. I have nothing to fear… I know
where the danger, threats and pain are coming from and I can avoid them. I’ve
only been in this city 5 months but there have been mass killings in and
elementary school, bombs exploding at a marathon, and threats of nuclear war.
Every September 11 we hold our breath hoping that there will not be a repeat. The
fear generated there is unknown, and makes having faith so much more difficult.
The ‘why’ is not answered.
I made a list a few months back of the different ‘dangers’
that are in both countries, and this is what I came up with:
Honduras: U.S.
Dealing drugs- not consuming Drugs
(consuming)
Murder/deceit Deceit
Poverty Spiritual
poverty
Discrimination against women Discrimination
Over
stimulation:(tuned
out by ‘tuning in’)
At least I can see the dangers in Honduras. They are in the
open. There are gangs and drug lords not because people HERE are consuming the
drugs but because people in the States are. There is an open distrust in the
government here. It’s known that they are corrupt. There’s poverty everywhere,
but there is also generosity everywhere. I have yet to step into one of the
homes (mud shacks) of our neighbors here without them offering the last of what’s
in the refrigerator… without them spending the little money they have to go buy
ME a soda. There is faith in this country that even if they don’t have
everything they need, there will be someone to help them. I can’t say that’s a
hope I necessarily have in the States. And through it all they have faith the
God will be there. They trust that He is protecting them, that He is stronger
than the fear, that His perfect love casts out the fear. The dangers help them
to love more, and help them to cast out the fear that there is.
If I don’t know about the dangers in the U.S., who am I turning to? And once I
do see danger, what is my first response? To find someone to blame. Terrorists,
the government, mental facilities being shut down.
I know my fear MUST cease. I know my Faith MUST increase, but I also knows my
eyes must be opened to the dangers in my own country.
It’s saying something when I feel safer in Honduras than I
do in the U.S.
I’m praying today for all those affected by the Boston
bombs. I’m praying for all those affected by the shootings. I’m praying that
our eyes might be opened and we might be allow Love to cast out our fear. That that fear might not be turned into hate and therefore generate more fear, but we might allow Love to conquer all.
